Since there is no perfect relationship nor perfect partner, it can be hard to recognize what kind of behavior is excusable and what is not.
I have made it a point to educate myself on the topic of abuse because it is sadly so common, and I do not want to be abusive nor do I want to end up with someone who is abusive. We all have the power to fight against abuse. We can all make a difference in the prevention of it.
I want to focus on emotional abuse for this post because it is very subtle.
In general, abuse has to do with the control of another person. Emotional abuse involves the neglect of a person's feelings and not allowing a person to have their own opinions, among other things. If a person is doing something wrong, but is willing to work on their imperfections, then that's a good sign. If a person is not willing to treat you better after you communicate to them about how they have hurt you, then that's a red flag.
Here are some examples from relationships that can be signs of emotional abuse: (Although my examples only include toxic behavior of men, women can be emotionally abusive as well.)
One woman tried to communicate to her boyfriend about things that he was doing that hurt her feelings, and he never seemed to care because he would justify his actions instead of apologizing. He did not acknowledge her feelings or try to make her feel more comfortable.
Another woman's husband would get very angry and upset any time she had an opinion that was different from his, even when it was something simple like deciding what time they should leave to arrive at a social event. He acted as if her differing opinion was an attack on him.
When someone sets boundaries with you, but isn't willing to comply with the boundaries that you've set for them, that's not a good sign. For example, one couple had a long-distance relationship, and the man did not let his girlfriend go to certain social events out of jealousy, and she respected his feelings. However, when the woman told him about things that bothered her, he was not willing to make adjustments in his life.
In general, whenever a person is not willing to compromise, that's a sign of controlling behavior.
There are a myriad of other signs of emotional abuse. I will list just a few, but you can read about many more signs here: https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse
- Making unreasonable demands of you
- Expecting you to put everything aside and meet their needs
- Being dissatisfied no matter how hard you try or give
- Expecting you to share their opinions (you are not permitted to have a different opinion)
- Making confusing and contradictory statements
- Using guilt to control you
- Shutting down communication/giving you the "silent treatment"
- Public embarrassment
- Sarcasm
- Insults of your appearance
- Pushing your buttons
One of the hard things about this topic is that abusive people are not usually abusive 100% of the time, meaning that, for example, 90% of the time you feel great around the person but 10% of the time they treat you horribly. This may lead the victim to not understand the danger that they are in.
I sincerely believe that the Spirit and the people close to you will warn you if you are in a dangerous relationship. While you are infatuated with someone, it can be hard to recognize that they are not treating you right. Trust in the red flags that God will alert you of.
