When we go through some kind of conflict in our lives, our true character comes out. Are you the kind of person that, during hard times, is still patient? Service-oriented? Kind? Or do you play the victim? Turn against others? Harden your heart? Seeing how someone reacts during a frustrating situation can demonstrate a lot about that person.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to say that you are a terrible person if you can’t control yourself in the midst of affliction. And I’m not going to pretend like I am always the best at keeping myself together during conflict. But I have found some principles that have helped me have peace in the depths of despair. I read a talk by Sherrie Mills Johnson titled “The Intelligent Use of Agency” which was really great and you should read it if you want more detail. Here is just a brief summary of what she talked about:
- We have no control over pain, but we do have control over how we react to it.
- Don’t inflict more pain on yourself by denying Jesus Christ. “When a person has repented and yet continues to wallow in feelings of guilt by thinking, What I’ve done is too bad--I can never be forgiven! He or she is denying Christ.”
- We have the gift of moral agency, which means we can choose to be miserable or to be happy. In her example she essentially asks, “Are you going to complain about what your husband does? Or are you grateful you have a husband at all?”
I know when someone is suffering with depression, it’s not that simple to just choose happiness. This is why I am continually mentioning a doctor’s help, because no matter how many self-help books or positive quotes you read, you are not going to be able to feel better until you go to the doctor!! But whether you have depression or not, mastering these principles will help you have peace.
I am grateful for the example we have of the Savior. He is truly the champion of being peaceful during conflict. No one had a more hard trial than He when He suffered for all of the “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind...of his people” (Alma 7:11) in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet even during this excruciatingly difficult time, He was willing to do what His Father asked. He could have been annoyed that His friends didn’t stay awake to support Him. He could have “played the victim” after this event. Yet instead He was still the same service-oriented, warm-hearted, peace-giving person that He always was. We can all follow the Savior’s example, come close to Him, and achieve peace.
