I feel incredibly lucky that my depression was relatively mild enough that suicide was never a legitimate option of mine.
But I know that other people are not so lucky.
When I was depressed, although I never desired to harm myself in any way, I desperately wished that I would just die. My depression clouded my brain into thinking that I had nothing to offer the world and that no one would care if I were to die. I remember praying and asking Heavenly Father to take me home to Him somehow. But instead of granting me those morbid wishes, my dear, gracious Heavenly Father put people in my life to remind me of my worth.
One day while I was suffering, a mind “exercise” I did was writing a list of kind things that people had said about me. I wrote what people had said recently as well as over the years--I just wrote anything at all that I could remember. After doing this, I realized that other’s perspective of me was a million times more positive than anything I would have said about myself. Through the kind words from these people, Heavenly Father made it clear to me that He loved me, that I was a person of great worth, and that I still had a purpose here on earth.
Something else that gave me hope was that I would imagine how my family would react if I were to die, and I knew that it would have been extremely sad for them. Even if they were the only people on earth who cared about me, they were enough for me to want to stay alive. I also was able to hold on tight to my testimony that God really lives, that He loves me, and that He would have been really sad if I were to harm myself in any way.
A word from my mother:
“Untreated mental or emotional illness can lead to increased isolation, misunderstandings, broken relationships, self-harm, and even suicide. I know this firsthand, as my own father died by suicide many years ago. His death was shocking and heartbreaking for my family and me. It has taken me years to work through my grief, and it was only recently that I learned talking about suicide in appropriate ways actually helps to prevent it rather than encourage it. I have now openly discussed my father’s death with my children and witnessed the healing that the Savior can give on both sides of the veil.” (Reyna I. Aburto, Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide With Me!)
I am sad that I never got to meet my grandfather. But I am grateful to know that the Savior can heal us of our infirmities and that He overcame death so that I will meet my grandpa someday. The Lord has helped me overcome my own feelings of complete hopelessness and shaped me into the stronger person that I am today.
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Suffering with severe depression can diminish a person’s ability to make rational decisions. If you or a loved one are thinking about suicide please get help immediately.
Here is a suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Or you can chat online when you Google “suicide hotline.”
