An Angel Hath Spoken Unto You

When I was suffering with depression, it was difficult for me to believe that I could do anything right, or that I could ever succeed.

On my mission, for example, I felt like a failure. All that I could focus my attention on was what I needed to improve, and on the things that other missionaries seemed to do better than I did. It was difficult to be satisfied about myself.

Many times, my companions, friends, or family members would assure me that I was doing an amazing job as a missionary. Even though I was told positive things multiple times from different people, my brain still found it hard to believe that what they were saying was true.

But then I realized that, the way Heavenly Father most often answers my prayers is through other people.

One day my mother wrote to me saying that I need to believe what people tell me, because they are acting as God’s angels and telling me the truth.

Shortly after she wrote me this, I was in a district meeting (a meeting with other missionaries), and we read together from the Book of Mormon in 1 Nephi. We read about the time when Laman and Lemuel were upset with their younger brothers; they did not believe that they would be able to get the plates from Laban, and so they smote their brothers with a rod. An angel appears to them to tell them to stop, and told them, “The Lord will deliver Laban into your hands” (1 Nephi 3:29) Yet even after the angel appeared, Laman and Lemuel continued to murmur and did not believe. In 1 Nephi 4:3, Nephi is speaking to them and says, "Ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt?" I was shocked that this story was telling me the same thing that my mother had said, and I took it as a sign from God that angels had indeed been sent to minister unto me. Angels had given me the message that I needed to hear, and I needed to believe it.

It still isn’t always easy to believe that I am doing a good job. But there are things that I have learned.

Negative thoughts about yourself come from the adversary. Positive thoughts about yourself come from God and His angels. God does not shame you when you are lacking a skill. He is happy to help you improve and repent. He doesn’t expect you to fix everything at once. You don’t have to do this alone.

“In times of special need, [God sends] angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, reassure them that heaven was always very close and that His help was always very near.” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, The Ministry of Angels, General Conference October 2008)

Fear over Service

There are many reasons why people don’t fulfill their ministering assignments*. But one excuse in particular stands out to me. I have often heard many different sisters express that they are afraid to minister. Their fear comes because they don’t know their assigned sisters very well, and they are afraid of the awkwardness that can be present.

You are not alone in your anxiety! But you should not let your fear stop you!

Think about this: you are going to associate with people that you haven’t met before for the rest of your life! We meet new people when we go to a job interview, or meet co-workers for the first time, or go on dates, or attend parties, etc. Ministering is good and needed practice for the skill of making good impressions on people.

More important than that, however, is the fact that the Lord has asked that we do it. And He has good reason why.

Julie B. Beck stated the following (which can be applied to the brethren too), “A sister in this Church has no other responsibility, outside of her family, that has the potential to do as much good as visiting teaching [which is now renamed ministering].” (Julie B. Beck, "Relief Society: A Sacred Work," Ensign, November 2009, 110–14).

It’s such an important calling to serve others. It helps to take it step by step because “by small and simple things are great things come to pass.” (Alma 37:6)

My phenomenal friend Jennifer Brinkerhoff Platt shared the following during the 2018 BYU Women’s Conference: “Christ speaks love to us...in the ordinary. This is Christ’s pattern. His whole life was spent in loving people where they are...He used bread, fish, and lilies to teach profound doctrines. He healed while walking through streets and He loved always.”

As amazing as Christ was, He showed love for other people through very simple and ordinary actions. We can do the same.

You don’t have to consider yourself to be the most friendly person in the world to be good at ministering to others. It takes ordinary actions like saying hello whenever you see them, sending a text, writing a birthday card, sharing a meaningful General Conference quote or scripture, or getting together to watch a movie or play games. “[Ministering] looks like becoming part of someone’s life and caring about him or her.” (Jean B. Bingham, “Ministering as the Savior does,” April 2018 General Conference)

For me, I feared ministering because I felt pressured to win other women’s friendship and trust, and I was afraid they wouldn’t like me for whatever reason. I do better when I stop worrying about myself and focus on the needs of other people--meaning my companion, our sisters we are assigned to, and even the sisters that are assigned to minister to me. Is it going to be awkward sometimes? Sure. But you will be blessed for your service and your love for other people will grow.

I testify that by truly caring about others, you forget about your own anxieties and fears. May we answer our calling to minister by saying,

Lord, we will answer thee gladly,

"Yes, blessed Master, we will!

Make us thy true under-shepherds;

Give us a love that is deep.

Send us out into the desert,

Seeking thy wandering sheep."

(Hymn 221 Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd)

*In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we as members are assigned to serve and befriend specific people. We do so with an assigned companion.

How to Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others

When my anxiety was really bad, it seemed impossible to avoid comparing myself to other people.

When I had to teach on my mission or in Relief Society, I would look at other people and think they were much better at teaching than I was. When my friends got asked out on lots of dates, I would think they were much more likable than I was. Even with my own family members I would observe them and think “I will never be as funny, nor as cool, nor as successful as they are.” There was no escaping the temptation of comparing myself to others.

Primary General President, Joy D. Jones, spoke on comparison, saying that “it’s an easy trap. Satan is the father of all lies, especially when it comes to misrepresentations about our own divine nature and purpose...We’ve often been taught, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ We can stop comparing our worst to someone else’s best. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’” (“Value Beyond Measure,” Oct 2017)

It’s so true. Comparison robbed me of happiness. It made me blind to what my talents were. But how exactly can we stop making comparisons to those around us?

Relief Society General President, Jean B. Bingham, gave some counsel concerning this, saying,
“Sometimes...we look at what others might have or be and feel we are less in comparison. We become focused on the Pinterest or Instagram versions of life or caught up in our school’s or workplace’s preoccupation with competition. However, when we take a moment to “count [our] many blessings,” we see with a truer perspective and recognize the goodness of God to all of His children.” (“I Will Bring the Light of the Gospel into My Home,” Oct 2016)

As I have tried to be more specific in expressing gratitude to Heavenly Father in my prayers, I have been able to see myself in a “truer perspective,” as Sister Bingham says. He has shown me that I have talents and gifts that I never knew I had, and I know He gives every single person unique abilities.

Throughout my life I have learned more ways to avoid the temptation of comparison. I have accepted that I don’t need to do something the same way someone else does. For example, I don’t need to have the same energetic personality as another to be an effective, engaging teacher. When I have taught in Relief Society, I realize that my teaching style is unique, and that’s OK. I know that the Lord only cares that I am doing my best to teach at all; He doesn’t care if I am the most amazing teacher. Instead of being worried about myself and how I measure up to other teachers that the sisters in my ward have had, I am more concerned with helping the sisters to feel the Spirit.

Service is the best antidote! If I am more concerned with helping others, then I lose the worry over what my capacity is compared to someone else’s. Through me and my talents, the Lord has helped me bless others.

I testify that Heavenly Father has blessed us all with unique gifts. Use your gifts to bless others people’s lives. If you have trouble recognizing your talents, you will come to find them as you serve.


Additional reading:

"Am I Good Enough? Will I Make It?" by Elder J. Devn Cornish
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/am-i-good-enough-will-i-make-it?lang=eng

"Please, my beloved brothers and sisters, we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don’t have and by the opinions of others. If we must compare, let us compare how we were in the past to how we are today—and even to how we want to be in the future. The only opinion of us that matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us. Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you."

Just Say "Hi"

As a teenager, I remember going to church and learning lessons about service. I didn’t understand when it was said that saying hello can be an act of service. It seemed like it was the bare minimum of what you could do to serve someone. Growing up, my parents had also always taught me to say hello to everyone, and I didn’t always like having to do it since I was incredibly self-conscious. But now I know better!

The bare minimum of just saying hello can be all that an anxious person needs.

In recent memories, the following situation happened many times: Someone who I knew would walk past me, and I would try to make eye contact with them to say hello, but they would continue on without saying anything. Whenever this happened, a whirlpool of negative emotions would flood my mind. “It must be because they don’t like me. Nobody likes me. I am never going to be good at befriending people.” These thoughts would escalate more and more, thus leading to sadness and despair. Another person’s act as simple as this gave me great anxiety and depression.

With help, I have been able to train my mind into a more healthy way of thinking. There are a million reasons why someone may not say hello to me. Maybe it’s because they are having a bad day. Maybe they are shy. Maybe their parents didn’t teach them to say hello and so they are not used to it. Maybe they are even more anxious than I am!

Another way to cope with anxiety is to accept the fact that, yes, maybe this person does NOT like you. Is it really the end of the world if that’s true, though? Jesus was the nicest, most likable person in the world and yet He was “^adespised and rejected of men” (Isaiah 53:3).

When someone hurts my feelings I can turn to the Savior and know that He understands what it is like to feel rejected. People have done worse things to me besides avoiding me, but I know that because Christ was willing to suffer through everything that we have gone through, “With his stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5) He has healed me from so much heartache, and through obedience to His commandments, He has helped me become a better person.

Instead of worrying about what other people think of me, I need to be more concerned about what I can control. I can be the one to say hello first, and even if they don’t respond in the most friendly way, at least I did my part to extend compassion towards someone else. I can choose to act as a true disciple of the Lord.

By serving others, even with the most absolute basic form of service, I have been able to feel better about myself. I have also been blessed, since there are some really cool people that I have befriended just by using the simple greeting of “hi.”

I sincerely encourage you to just say hello to everyone. It truly does make a difference.