Social Anxiety vs. Lacking Social Skills

Recently I was asked the following question: what is the difference between having social anxiety
and lacking social skills?

Social anxiety means that you are so concerned with what other people think of you that you have panic attacks. The feeling of a panic attack can vary. Sometimes your legs and feet go numb. Your heart may beat fast. Maybe your hands start shaking. Or you sweat. After talking with people you are afraid of what they think of you, and beat yourself up saying to yourself, “I shouldn’t have said that," or "I should have said this.” You drive yourself crazy by being too critical on your interactions with people. This behavior and lifestyle is just straight up unhealthy for you.

Lacking social skills means that you don’t know how to talk to people--especially with people that you’ve just met. It can go hand in hand with suffering from social anxiety, but it is not the same thing. In fact, I would argue that most people are lacking in social skills in one way or another. There are very very few people that I have met who are experts at talking to everyone. Truly, most of us need to work on this skill. It is interesting to me to see how some of my friends who are extremely talkative can be shy around new people. Even the most loud, seemingly outgoing people can be seriously lacking in social skills.

I had an experience where, I had to associate a lot with a girl who never ever asked me any questions about myself. At first, I was kind of annoyed because I tried to get to know her and ask her questions about her life, her family, her school experience, etc. but she never seemed to show any interest about me. Later, I realized that she perhaps just did not know how to talk to people. The reason that she did not ask me anything was not because she did not like me, nor was it due to the fact that she was self-absorbed. She just needed to mature in her skills for talking to people.

I could have sympathy for her because I have been there. In the past I can remember times where I had no clue how to talk to people, and even now it’s not always the easiest thing for me to do. But I have grown so much. It’s fascinating to me to see how much I have learned and flourished in this regard, and I owe it all to the Savior.

So I learned to be patient and sympathetic to this girl who was clueless, and had faith that she could grow in her social skills eventually. I believe that anyone can improve on their social skills, even when one is suffering from social anxiety. It can be done! Rely upon the Lord. Not only was He the Savior of the world, but He was the best at befriending people. Do as He did. Focus on the needs of other people instead of your own. Minister everywhere you go. Look for ordinary ways to reach out to others. I promise it’s possible to improve with His help.