How to Date When You Are Scared to Death

In one way or another, most people have some fear and anxiety about this topic.

Asking someone out

Anxiety drives people to make negative assumptions about themselves. For example, say a guy likes a girl but he doesn’t think he’s good enough for her. I have heard people say phrases similar to “On a scale from one to ten, she is a ten and I am a four.” What evidence do you have that you are a four? How can you be so sure that she is going to say no when you ask her out? Lots of times there is no concrete proof that she is not going to be interested.

Rejection

The worst that can happen is that the person you ask out says no. Is it really the end of world if that were to happen? No matter what your situation is, if you are both single, you need to try. Recognize that you are a courageous champion for even trying. Don’t allow rejection to paralyze you forever. Just because one person says no does not mean that everyone will do the same.

Going on dates

For me personally, it is easy to ask the guy out, but this is the part that gives me anxiety. Right before I go on a date, I start to worry about what he will think of me, and get flooded with self-conscious thoughts. But I have found an excellent cure for this negativity. Allow me to share the best dating advice I have ever received:

When you go on a date, treat it as a chance to serve the other person.

I feel like this advice is usually given to people who are already married. If you love someone enough to marry them, you should serve them to show how much you care. So it makes sense that even before marriage, from the very start, you should serve the other person.

It truly doesn’t take that much to serve your date. When I have gone on dates, I try my best to listen to what the gentleman has to say, show genuine interest in what he says, try to make him laugh, etc. By doing things like that, I can no longer focus on my weaknesses and my anxiety is overcome. I am impressed by guys who do small acts of kindness for me, too. I have had dates where the guys have offered me their jacket, or held doors open for me, or they have given me genuine compliments. Their seemingly small actions prove to me that they are more concerned with my comfort than they are about themselves or their weaknesses, and that is really sweet and charming!

Conclusion

By serving someone else, you become your best self. Jeffrey R. Holland once said, “True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves. That is Christ’s great atoning example for us, and it ought to be more evident in the kindness we show, the respect we give, and the selflessness and courtesy we employ in our personal relationships.” (“How Do I Love Thee?” Brigham Young University devotional, Feb. 15, 2000.) I add my testimony to his that Christ is the best example we have in every aspect of our lives. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and that it is His work and His glory to help us be successful in starting our own families. (See Moses 1:39)