“Repentance” is a joyful word

To a perfectionist who is anxious to avoid making mistakes, repentance can seem like a daunting task. However, we did not always feel so negative about repentance.

When we lived with Heavenly Father in the pre-mortal life, He showed us His plan. He told us we would have a Savior to make it possible for us to return to our heavenly home. We were told that one way to access the Savior’s power was to repent. We were overjoyed with this plan! We rejoiced at the concept of repentance!

Unfortunately, now that we are here on earth, rarely do we jump for joy when we think about repentance. The following story is similar to many:

There was a period in my life where I felt like I was terrible at repentance. I went to church and would listen to people discuss repentance, virtue, obedience, etc. and I felt like I was a failure with all of it. I didn’t see myself improving, forsaking my sins, being worthy, nor doing the things I was supposed to do. 

One day I talked to a friend of mine and told him how I couldn’t stop beating myself up over what I considered to be “my lack of repentance.” He told me that there are so many people who come to church with zero thought of repentance; they aren’t actually pondering about what they need to change in their lives. So he said the fact that I was even concerned with repenting at all was a sure sign that I was a good person, doing the right thing.

To add to that, author and professor Anthony Sweat once taught that being obedient to the Gospel of Jesus Christ includes repenting. He explained that being obedient by repenting sounds like an oxymoron, but it is not. Heavenly Father does not expect us to live without any flaws. Thus when we are repenting, we are absolutely making the right choice!

Another important factor to remember is that repentance has to do with looking at ourselves as a glass half full, not half empty. We can look at the good we are doing in our lives and add more good things. It is not only about removing the “bad.”

Repentance may not be immediate. Turning away from our sins and not wanting to do them anymore takes time. But let me remind you what is immediate, is that the Lord will forgive you in an instant. 

“And the Lord God hath sent his holy prophets among all the children of men, to declare these things to every kindred, nation, and tongue, that thereby whosoever should believe that Christ should come, the same might receive remission of their sins, and rejoice with exceedingly great joy,” (Mosiah 3:13, emphasis added.)

Relationship status does not equal worth

Why oh why do we measure our worth based on our relationship status? As far as we know, Jesus Christ was single while He was here on earth, so why do we act like being single is such a miserable, anxiety-filled state of life? 

I have acquaintances who have considered dating someone and then felt the Spirit confirm to them that yes, they should date this person. But then that person rejects them, or breaks up with them or something, and they ask “Why did God tell me to date this person if it didn’t work out?” 

Let’s get this straight: Just because you didn’t up marrying the person doesn’t mean that it was a bad idea to date them! I have never heard of someone marrying the first person they wanted to date; we will probably need to date around and have a mixture of good and bad experiences with dating in order to find the right person. Anxiety from negative dating experiences comes because we dwell on what went wrong, but instead we need to focus on what God wants us to learn from our experiences. For example, we need to ask yourself questions like, “What can I do to be a better partner next time? What did I learn about what I want in a partner? How can I remain pure to attract a good person?” We also need to take a step back and realize that even if we are single after many failed attempts to get out of that status, we are still capable of doing good, we still are children of a Heavenly King, and therefore we are valuable. 

We also need to understand that it is simply unrealistic to expect your dating experiences to be perfect. It’s OK for your heart to be broken. It’s OK for you to not be interested in someone you’ve gone out with and gently tell them the truth. These are uncomfortable situations to be in, but it’s part of life, and there is no problem that we have that is outside of the bounds of the love of Christ. He can help us through anything we are dealing with.

If you live your life thinking you should never be sad nor make any mistakes, that’s like living without need for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Look at each experience as an opportunity for growth and also as a way to come closer to the Savior.

Let us also be reminded that getting married is the only commandment that requires the agency of two people. It takes a miracle for two people to be in love at the same time.

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren [and sisters,] let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed. (Doctrine and Covenants 123:17)