Naming our Grief

Recently I listened to a podcast* with Rob Gardner, the man who wrote the oratorio “Lamb of God.” He has a female cousin who is a therapist and he shared what she discussed with him about the following passage in the Bible, contained in John chapter 20.

When Jesus was crucified, Mary Magdalene dealt with losing a man who she loved in a horrible, violent death. It was the worst day of her life. His death happened on the eve of the Sabbath, and so because of the timing of things, she wasn’t able to spend the time to prepare the body, which is the last service you can do for someone you loved. Preparing the body had to be done quickly since it had to be finished in time for the Sabbath. When she gets back to the tomb and the body was gone, that was the last straw for her.

So Jesus appeared to her, and without recognizing Him yet, He asks her, “Woman, why weepest thou?” He gave her the chance to say what was wrong. He gave her the chance to grieve. Even after she realized who she was talking to, though He was resurrected, she still grieved the loss of her Friend, Master, and Teacher with whom she would not be able to walk with every day like she used to. Although she received peace, it is OK that she took the time to grieve and talk about her feelings.

What can we learn from this? Rob Gardner’s cousin explained that the whole purpose of counseling is to be able to name your grief. Once you put a name to your grief, or in other words when you talk about your feelings, your sadness loses its power to a certain extent. You also may discover that your true agony is not what you think you are grieving about.

Here is an example. An acquaintance of mine was talking about his dislike for Christmas, which is something he has mentioned several times. Before, he had always described that he did not like Christmas due to the commercial purposes of the holiday, as well as the stress that comes from buying presents and so forth. Recently he finally opened up and named his grief. His revulsion of Christmas comes from his childhood days when his large family was extremely poor, and their poverty seemed to be magnified by the holiday. Back then, he was reminded of how poor he was when he did not receive what he wanted for Christmas. Once he named his grief I was able to understand him and I would hope that talking about his feelings helped him, too.

Brother Gardner also mentioned that prayer is a chance to name our grief. I can testify that this has helped me immensely. When I take the time to say sincere prayers and tell Heavenly Father everything that I am going through, I have been able to feel His love for me again and again. He is so willing to listen to His children, and if we heed His counsel we can be healed from our infirmities.


*Here is a link to the podcast: “Rob Gardner: Portraying the Savior in Music.” “All In” Podcast, 10 Apr. 2019, https://omny.fm/shows/all-in/e24-rob-gardner-portraying-the-savior-in-music#description.

(Skip to about 42 minutes into the podcast)