The Fear of Becoming like Your Parents

 

I have noticed that some of my friends and acquaintances are terrified of becoming like their parents. Their parents may not have a healthy relationship, or their parents were abusive, or their parent’s actions affected them severely in another way. 

Our parents’ actions have a great influence on us. Bad habits or weaknesses can be inherited. It can be scary to observe a family member’s poor choices and feel like you are going to go down that same path.

What can you do about the fear of becoming like your parents?

Be aware of your wounds and triggers.

Find someone you trust and name your grief by talking about your past and the problems that you are still experiencing from it. Simply talking about these things will help you receive revelation as to what is holding you back from the life you want and get started on your path of healing. It's OK and healthy to communicate your fears with others so that they can understand you and help you out. 

Acknowledge that your fear can be a good thing. 

By having this fear of becoming like your parents, you are probably more aware of your actions than your parents are. That means that this fear can lead you to be a person who is more quick to repent, which is a good thing! One of the sure signs of a disciple of Jesus Christ is someone who recognizes their weaknesses and fears, takes them to the Lord, and lets Him handle it. 

You have the power to break the unhealthy cycles in your family.

My mother and I have talked about this a lot, especially when it comes to abusive homes. Often, people are abusive because their parents were, and there can be a seemingly never-ending chain of abuse across generations. My mom has taught me to act on revelation, not on tradition. You have the power to break foolish traditions. If you have the desire to have a healthier lifestyle and home than what you grew up with, Heavenly Father is eager to help you achieve that goal. The scriptures teach us that God will deliver us from bondage, which includes the chains that your family may have created for you. “Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust” (2 Nephi 1:23).

I have experienced fears similar to this, and I am so grateful that I have a Savior who has saved me from feelings of being “stuck” or “cursed.” I testify that He has given us the gift of redemption, and like Alma, I can say that "God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me," (Alma 36:27). If we put on the armor of God by keeping our covenants and being Christlike, we can develop healthy relationships with others and taste the love of God.