Fear Thou Not

I recently found out that I have social anxiety. This is what my life used to be like before I came to this realization.

When I was in the same room as anyone else my body would react as if I was in grave danger. For example, one day when I was checking out a DVD from the public library, I used a self-checkout system. The machine wouldn’t accept my cash to pay for the rental. I was afraid that people in line behind me would see me and think I looked ridiculous as I put my coins into the machine and it would spit them back out. My heart started beating fast. I felt my face getting hot. What I did not know at the time was that these feelings were all signs of a panic attack.

These panic attacks happened much too often. They happened anytime I was supposed to speak in front of my class at school, or when my visiting teachers came over to see me*, or even when I was with my own family members at times!

The fear of what others thought of me was just too much for my body to handle. I looked for safety in being alone. But that loneliness was what led to my depression. The irony of feeling anxious around people was that I desperately yearned for healthy relationships with those same people. But my anxiety made it extremely difficult for any relationships to blossom, and so I became depressed.

As you can see, my anxiety really interfered with my life. But the reason I decided to share my thoughts on my mental disorders is because I don’t want anyone to suffer with this kind of stuff alone. There is hope.

I’m just going to be honest. I believe one of the reasons why I did not come to this realization sooner is because in the Latino culture, most people do not believe in these kinds of mental health issues. Now that I know that I have this problem, I know that a lot of my friends and acquaintances have similar issues. And some of them aren’t seeking help, especially among the Latinos that I know. Don’t think that you need to fight through these issues on your own. I got professional help and I started taking medication, and my life has been easier ever since. I am grateful that God has provided me with doctors who have helped me, and also with help from the scriptures, temples, and prayers.

Years ago, I was studying the scriptures one day, seeking guidance for an extremely difficult task that I had ahead of me. I read a verse in the Bible that has stuck with me ever since. The Lord gives these comforting words,

“ ^aFear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

As someone who experiences fear on nearly a daily basis, this verse reminds me that I don’t need to be afraid when I have an Almighty hand holding mine. I can truly testify that we are not alone in our trials. The Lord has been with me through it all. He has given me strength, power, knowledge, and understanding.

For the next couple of weeks I will be writing in more detail about how I have obtained more positive feelings about myself, thanks to the help I received from Heaven.

*In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we as members are all assigned to serve and befriend other people. This calling’s title used to be “visiting teachers” for females and “home teachers” for males. Recently our prophet and church leaders have changed the name of this calling to be called ministering sisters and brothers.