Why Men Don’t Go to Therapy

Therapy has proven to be beneficial for both men and women; however, women are more likely to go to therapy than men are. So why don’t men go to therapy? With this question in mind, I did some research.

Please keep in mind that I realize not every man fits into one box; not every man fits these following descriptions. But there are noticeable patterns in men’s behavior which are worth discussing in order to help more people get therapy and medication that they need. 

The need to act “tough”

Society has created a  belief that “macho” men should avoid getting help, including going to a doctor of any kind. Men believe that “A man should always try to project an air of confidence even if he really doesn’t feel confident inside” and, “When a man is feeling pain, he shouldn’t let it show.”* This mentality should change. Personally my favorite person in the scriptures (other than Jesus) is Alma the Younger. With his family, he talked openly about his conversion story, which was a very vulnerable point in his life. He was willing to talk about the pain he felt and how scared he was. 

“Men think that talking about their emotions can make them what they consider soft. So they shut down, or sometimes become more aggressive, in their interpersonal relationships.” **

I’ve seen this happen, where men’s defense mechanism is to get angry or to completely shut someone out of their life. But it is more healthy and mature to talk things out calmly. A great example of this is Pahoran in Alma chapter 61 of the Book of Mormon. He responds to Moroni’s complaints in a very Christlike manner: he doesn’t get angry, but is very understanding and expresses his feelings calmly.

Imperfect parenting

Parents and grandparents often teach their sons that boys are strong, that they don’t cry and never complain no matter what. I strongly believe that it would be best to teach children that it is OK to cry and to express their feelings. Jesus Himself cried to His Father when He was performing the most difficult task in His life. He used the word “Abba” which translates to the tender childlike term, “Daddy.”

Asking for help is “weak”

The well known stereotype “men don’t like asking for directions” is too often true. 

Contrary to the belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness, going to therapy is actually a sign of strength and courage. It is scary to be vulnerable, but it’s also the higher road to recovery.

We are never expected to solve our problems on our own. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 28:11)

“There’s nothing wrong with me”

Men also often fail to admit or notice that something is wrong with them. Here’s a helpful mentality: “Going to therapy isn’t about something being wrong with you any more than going to the gym to work on your triceps is about something being wrong with your arms. Therapy is like seeing a trainer...Therapists have specialized knowledge and therefore can cut time for improvement.”*** It takes humility and a change of heart to acknowledge that something is wrong with you. These are admirable qualities to have.

What should be done?

With all of this said, I don’t have all of the answers to fix this problem. But I do hope to at least encourage men to open up more, and I encourage everyone to be more accepting of vulnerable men. 

If you know someone who needs help, don’t make the issue about him--make it about his behavior. Try your best to be Christlike with this: be like Jesus in that He sees individuals in who they are as a whole, He doesn’t merely focus on their weaknesses. 

*Schrad, P. (2016, December 28). Why Won't Men Go To Therapy? http://afccounselors.com/why-wont-men-go-to-therapy/

**Hubbard, S. (2020, January 28). Why I will only date men who go to therapy. https://www.vox.com/first-person/2020/1/28/21083719/men-therapy-mental-health

***Stein, J. D. (2020, May 13). 30 Excuses for Why Guys Don't Do Therapy. https://www.menshealth.com/health/a27496158/excuses-guys-make-not-going-to-therapy/

Stressing Out while Anticipating Events

Who knew a story in the Bible illustrated anxiety so well? 

Quick backstory

Jacob and Esau were brothers, children of Isaac and Rebekah. Esau was the first born son, meaning he was supposed to inherit the birthright of his father. But Jacob ended up getting the birthright, so Esau was furious with Jacob and wanted to slay him. Jacob ran away from his home so that he wouldn’t be killed.*

Today’s main story

Years pass. Jacob and Esau have separate lives as they get married and have children. Then the Lord told Jacob to return to his father’s homeland. This was not an easy task since he knew Esau was living there and they’d meet again. Jacob prayed, then he sent messengers to Esau, letting Esau know that he’d be coming. When the messengers returned to Jacob, they told him that Esau was coming with 400 men. 

This report scared Jacob; he “was greatly afraid and distressed.” (Genesis 32:7) He prayed earnestly to God. He didn’t sleep that night, fearfully anticipating the reunion with his brother. This is exactly what it feels like to have anxiety.

When Jacob and Esau finally reunited, “Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, [meaning he hugged him affectionately] and kissed him: and they wept.” (Genesis 33:4) What a beautiful twist to their story!**

Moral of the story

The point here is that oftentimes with anxiety, we make assumptions and get stressed and fearful about something that may not even happen. In other words, we make up a movie in our head that’s a psychological thriller and we star in the main role as the reluctant hero, scared out of our minds. But it turns out to be fictional!

I relate to this story of Jacob and Esau. In therapy I discovered that often my anticipation of an event was worse than the actual event. For example, when I was younger sometimes I was too anxious to go to a church activity with other single adults. I was afraid I wouldn’t know anyone there and that I would be too awkward talking to new people. But whenever I went to these activities, my experience was never all that bad. Even if my body reacted as if new people were dangerous, I didn’t die. My friends have also repeatedly assured me that I’m not awkward, even if my brain thinks I am, and I need to trust that they are telling the truth.

Jacob had reason to be afraid, and so do we. But we can trust that God will help us. He can see the entire future, while we only anticipate events that are happening in the near future. We may only see the parts of ourselves that are weak, yet God sees us as a whole, lovable, wonderful child of His. As we follow Heavenly Father’s counsel, we will see His face, as Jacob did. (Genesis 32:30; 33:10)

*This backstory is a whole different story that is worth studying in Genesis 25, 27-28.

**You will get more out of Jacob and Esau’s story if you read it in Genesis 32 and 33. I invite you to read these chapters.

Short Study Session on Self-esteem

There is not a single person I have met with perfect self-esteem. Those who seem to be exceedingly confident secretly struggle with their feelings of inadequacy.

With that in mind, recently I was reading a few verses in Doctrine and Covenants, while asking myself, “What does this teach me about self-esteem?” There, I found great teachings on poor self-esteem as well as healthy self-esteem.

In D&C 121:34-40 there are some facts about where poor self-esteem comes from. (I encourage you to think about the application to your own life. I put my examples here.)

• Heart is set upon things of the world (vs. 35.) In other words, not being focused on the things that truly matter.
• Aspiring to the honors of men (vs. 35.) For me this could mean worrying too much about what people think of me.
• Covering our sins (vs. 37.) This is due to being too ashamed to admit that I’ve done something wrong.
• Exercising control, dominion, or compulsion on someone else (vs. 37.) Anytime I’ve been rude it usually was due to my poor self-esteem.

The rest of section 121 tells us where good self-esteem comes from. (D&C 121: 41-46)

• Gentleness and meekness (vs. 41)
• “By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile” (vs. 41)
• Giving feedback or constructive criticism ONLY when guided by the Holy Ghost, and loving the person whom you’ve reproved. (vs. 42)
• Having charity, which is the love of God. (vs. 45)

When you focus on helping others, you earn healthy self-esteem. Kristen M. Oaks once explained that there is no better training for the building of self-esteem than service to others.

Here are some of the effects of having good self-esteem: (D&C 121: 45-46)

• “Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.” (vs. 45) 
• “The doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.” (vs. 46) In other words, you will have the power of God rooted in you.
• “The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion” (vs. 46)

I invite you to read these verses and continue to study on how you can increase your self-esteem. Study and choose just one thing you can apply into your own life now to be more confident. 

***********************

Doctrine and Covenants Section 121: 34-46

34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.

39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.

What if my loved one won’t get help for their mental illness?

What can you do if someone you care about needs to get help for their brain illness but won’t go to the therapist or doctor? You can’t force them to go to therapy or take medication, so what can you do instead?

The first thing to do is to just listen. If your loved one is struggling, ask them what it is that is making them anxious or depressed. Seek to understand.

Only after you truly listen and understand their perception, then you can offer them a different perspective.

Let me give an example to illustrate. This was an exchange between me and my mom.

Recently I was overwhelmed while babysitting children. I called my mom and told her that I was struggling with this endeavor. She asked me what was wrong. I told her I didn’t feel like I was good with kids; that I was inadequate. Mom asked me why I felt that way, and I said that my patience was wearing thin too quickly, I didn’t feel like I knew how to talk to these kids, and they weren’t behaving so I felt annoyed the majority of the time instead of feeling loving towards them.

Mom listened and then she told me that it was OK for me to feel this way, since everyone feels this way sometimes. She told me that I did not have to feel like I was a “superwoman,” called to fix everyone's problems. The fact that I was there with the kids at all was a huge help to their parents. I didn’t need to be perfect, I didn’t need to completely replace the children’s parents, I just needed to do my best.

So my mom listened, sought to understand me, and then gave me a different and healthier way to think about my situation. My mom was giving me therapy. At the moment it was happening, neither of us would have called this conversation “therapy,” but looking back on this I realize that is what it was.

We can all give each other therapy. Will our “diagnosis” be as good if we are not a licensed therapist? Probably not. But this is something we should strive to do with everyone, especially if they are struggling but refuse to get help. We all want to feel loved and understood. We all want to find hope and believe that our challenges can get alleviated over time.

I don’t know how to convince someone to go to therapy. I can’t force anyone to change. But I do know that I can change the way I speak to people. I can be more loving and understanding. In other words, I can be more Christlike in my conduct. More and more do I realize that He was constantly giving people therapy. Seek to learn from the example of the Master Healer.

Literally Wanting to Die

I feel incredibly lucky that my depression was relatively mild enough that suicide was never a legitimate option of mine.

But I know that other people are not so lucky.

When I was depressed, although I never desired to harm myself in any way, I desperately wished that I would just die. My depression clouded my brain into thinking that I had nothing to offer the world and that no one would care if I were to die. I remember praying and asking Heavenly Father to take me home to Him somehow. But instead of granting me those morbid wishes, my dear, gracious Heavenly Father put people in my life to remind me of my worth. 

One day while I was suffering, a mind “exercise” I did was writing a list of kind things that people had said about me. I wrote what people had said recently as well as over the years--I just wrote anything at all that I could remember. After doing this, I realized that other’s perspective of me was a million times more positive than anything I would have said about myself. Through the kind words from these people, Heavenly Father made it clear to me that He loved me, that I was a person of great worth, and that I still had a purpose here on earth. 

Something else that gave me hope was that I would imagine how my family would react if I were to die, and I knew that it would have been extremely sad for them. Even if they were the only people on earth who cared about me, they were enough for me to want to stay alive. I also was able to hold on tight to my testimony that God really lives, that He loves me, and that He would have been really sad if I were to harm myself in any way.

A word from my mother:

“Untreated mental or emotional illness can lead to increased isolation, misunderstandings, broken relationships, self-harm, and even suicide. I know this firsthand, as my own father died by suicide many years ago. His death was shocking and heartbreaking for my family and me. It has taken me years to work through my grief, and it was only recently that I learned talking about suicide in appropriate ways actually helps to prevent it rather than encourage it. I have now openly discussed my father’s death with my children and witnessed the healing that the Savior can give on both sides of the veil.” (Reyna I. Aburto, Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide With Me!)

I am sad that I never got to meet my grandfather. But I am grateful to know that the Savior can heal us of our infirmities and that He overcame death so that I will meet my grandpa someday. The Lord has helped me overcome my own feelings of complete hopelessness and shaped me into the stronger person that I am today.

***

Suffering with severe depression can diminish a person’s ability to make rational decisions. If you or a loved one are thinking about suicide please get help immediately.

Here is a suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Or you can chat online when you Google “suicide hotline.”

Naming our Grief

Recently I listened to a podcast* with Rob Gardner, the man who wrote the oratorio “Lamb of God.” He has a female cousin who is a therapist and he shared what she discussed with him about the following passage in the Bible, contained in John chapter 20.

When Jesus was crucified, Mary Magdalene dealt with losing a man who she loved in a horrible, violent death. It was the worst day of her life. His death happened on the eve of the Sabbath, and so because of the timing of things, she wasn’t able to spend the time to prepare the body, which is the last service you can do for someone you loved. Preparing the body had to be done quickly since it had to be finished in time for the Sabbath. When she gets back to the tomb and the body was gone, that was the last straw for her.

So Jesus appeared to her, and without recognizing Him yet, He asks her, “Woman, why weepest thou?” He gave her the chance to say what was wrong. He gave her the chance to grieve. Even after she realized who she was talking to, though He was resurrected, she still grieved the loss of her Friend, Master, and Teacher with whom she would not be able to walk with every day like she used to. Although she received peace, it is OK that she took the time to grieve and talk about her feelings.

What can we learn from this? Rob Gardner’s cousin explained that the whole purpose of counseling is to be able to name your grief. Once you put a name to your grief, or in other words when you talk about your feelings, your sadness loses its power to a certain extent. You also may discover that your true agony is not what you think you are grieving about.

Here is an example. An acquaintance of mine was talking about his dislike for Christmas, which is something he has mentioned several times. Before, he had always described that he did not like Christmas due to the commercial purposes of the holiday, as well as the stress that comes from buying presents and so forth. Recently he finally opened up and named his grief. His revulsion of Christmas comes from his childhood days when his large family was extremely poor, and their poverty seemed to be magnified by the holiday. Back then, he was reminded of how poor he was when he did not receive what he wanted for Christmas. Once he named his grief I was able to understand him and I would hope that talking about his feelings helped him, too.

Brother Gardner also mentioned that prayer is a chance to name our grief. I can testify that this has helped me immensely. When I take the time to say sincere prayers and tell Heavenly Father everything that I am going through, I have been able to feel His love for me again and again. He is so willing to listen to His children, and if we heed His counsel we can be healed from our infirmities.


*Here is a link to the podcast: “Rob Gardner: Portraying the Savior in Music.” “All In” Podcast, 10 Apr. 2019, https://omny.fm/shows/all-in/e24-rob-gardner-portraying-the-savior-in-music#description.

(Skip to about 42 minutes into the podcast)

Coping with Performance Anxiety

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;

but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Let me say that the following post is not only applicable for a musician’s performance; these principles can apply to most anyone who ever has to endure a job interview, public speaking, or even going on a date. 

I was not aware that I had social anxiety until I transferred to BYU-Idaho in the beginning of 2018. I transferred so that I could study piano. Being a piano major has been one of the most fulfilling aspects of my life, but it has also been a highly anxiety-provoking trial with every performance I have done. Yet I am grateful the timing was such that I discovered my health issue at the beginning of my time here.

Here are some things I have learned regarding performance anxiety:

It is normal to feel stressed

My private piano teacher has often said that it is good for his students to be fearful in masterclass.* It is perfectly normal to be afraid to perform in front of others, because being afraid means that you care about doing well, it means that you are alert, and it means you are a human being with feelings! Your nerves are what caution you into preparing properly for a performance. 

Turn outward, not inward

Your performance is not only meant for others to evaluate you, it is also about what you can give to people. It helps to focus on the fact that you are performing to let others hear beautiful music. The people who are listening are not there solely to judge you! Turn your attention outward by serving others with your talents--do not turn inward, being only worried about yourself and then getting drowned by your own insecurities. 

Establish a positive mindset

I go into my performances knowing that I have prepared the best that I can beforehand. Right before I start playing, I have imagined myself doing well and being proud of myself afterwards. And then, after I get up to perform, my little prophecy is quickly fulfilled. If I tell myself I am going to stink, I am not giving myself a helpful mindset, am I? 

See yourself as a “glass half-full”

After a performance, I acknowledge the good that I have done instead of only focusing on the few mistakes that I made. I see my performance as a glass half-full instead of half-empty, and this allows me to avoid being so hard on myself. 

Take medication

I could not believe how much more calm I was after I started taking medication for my anxiety. Back before I started taking meds, every time I would perform, I felt like I was going to die. My heart would race, my hands would shake; the panic attacks were so bad! But once I got medication prescribed I felt completely different. I still get nervous while on my meds, but I can control my nerves much better instead of letting my nerves get the best of me. 

***

I will end with a quick anecdote. A classmate of mine recently asked me if I ever get nervous during my performances. Surprised by her question, I said “yes.” She said that every time she has seen me perform, I do not seem nervous. I was stunned. Her perception of me is absolutely false; of course I get stage fright. But this encounter reminded me of this truth: the people who appear to have high self-esteem are not as confident as they seem. Do not be discouraged if others look like they have their lives together while yours is falling apart. We are all united in our suffering, and thanks to our Savior, we can overcome any challenge that comes our way.

*Masterclass is our weekly get-together as piano students to perform in front of each other. We don’t want our performances at the end of each semester to be the only time we play in front of others, so we practice performing each week to get used to our stage fright.

“Repentance” is a joyful word

To a perfectionist who is anxious to avoid making mistakes, repentance can seem like a daunting task. However, we did not always feel so negative about repentance.

When we lived with Heavenly Father in the pre-mortal life, He showed us His plan. He told us we would have a Savior to make it possible for us to return to our heavenly home. We were told that one way to access the Savior’s power was to repent. We were overjoyed with this plan! We rejoiced at the concept of repentance!

Unfortunately, now that we are here on earth, rarely do we jump for joy when we think about repentance. The following story is similar to many:

There was a period in my life where I felt like I was terrible at repentance. I went to church and would listen to people discuss repentance, virtue, obedience, etc. and I felt like I was a failure with all of it. I didn’t see myself improving, forsaking my sins, being worthy, nor doing the things I was supposed to do. 

One day I talked to a friend of mine and told him how I couldn’t stop beating myself up over what I considered to be “my lack of repentance.” He told me that there are so many people who come to church with zero thought of repentance; they aren’t actually pondering about what they need to change in their lives. So he said the fact that I was even concerned with repenting at all was a sure sign that I was a good person, doing the right thing.

To add to that, author and professor Anthony Sweat once taught that being obedient to the Gospel of Jesus Christ includes repenting. He explained that being obedient by repenting sounds like an oxymoron, but it is not. Heavenly Father does not expect us to live without any flaws. Thus when we are repenting, we are absolutely making the right choice!

Another important factor to remember is that repentance has to do with looking at ourselves as a glass half full, not half empty. We can look at the good we are doing in our lives and add more good things. It is not only about removing the “bad.”

Repentance may not be immediate. Turning away from our sins and not wanting to do them anymore takes time. But let me remind you what is immediate, is that the Lord will forgive you in an instant. 

“And the Lord God hath sent his holy prophets among all the children of men, to declare these things to every kindred, nation, and tongue, that thereby whosoever should believe that Christ should come, the same might receive remission of their sins, and rejoice with exceedingly great joy,” (Mosiah 3:13, emphasis added.)

Relationship status does not equal worth

Why oh why do we measure our worth based on our relationship status? As far as we know, Jesus Christ was single while He was here on earth, so why do we act like being single is such a miserable, anxiety-filled state of life? 

I have acquaintances who have considered dating someone and then felt the Spirit confirm to them that yes, they should date this person. But then that person rejects them, or breaks up with them or something, and they ask “Why did God tell me to date this person if it didn’t work out?” 

Let’s get this straight: Just because you didn’t up marrying the person doesn’t mean that it was a bad idea to date them! I have never heard of someone marrying the first person they wanted to date; we will probably need to date around and have a mixture of good and bad experiences with dating in order to find the right person. Anxiety from negative dating experiences comes because we dwell on what went wrong, but instead we need to focus on what God wants us to learn from our experiences. For example, we need to ask yourself questions like, “What can I do to be a better partner next time? What did I learn about what I want in a partner? How can I remain pure to attract a good person?” We also need to take a step back and realize that even if we are single after many failed attempts to get out of that status, we are still capable of doing good, we still are children of a Heavenly King, and therefore we are valuable. 

We also need to understand that it is simply unrealistic to expect your dating experiences to be perfect. It’s OK for your heart to be broken. It’s OK for you to not be interested in someone you’ve gone out with and gently tell them the truth. These are uncomfortable situations to be in, but it’s part of life, and there is no problem that we have that is outside of the bounds of the love of Christ. He can help us through anything we are dealing with.

If you live your life thinking you should never be sad nor make any mistakes, that’s like living without need for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Look at each experience as an opportunity for growth and also as a way to come closer to the Savior.

Let us also be reminded that getting married is the only commandment that requires the agency of two people. It takes a miracle for two people to be in love at the same time.

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren [and sisters,] let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed. (Doctrine and Covenants 123:17)

Don't suffer in silence

I just finished reading Jane Clayson Johnson’s book, “Silent Souls Weeping: Depression - Sharing Stories, Finding Hope.” It is simply fantastic and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to understand more about mental illnesses. 

Something that is mentioned in the book is the fact that it is absolutely crucial for people with mental health issues to share their feelings with others instead of facing their problems on their own. Johnson quotes a man who said, “Depression thrives in secrecy but shrinks in empathy.” 

It took me a really, really long time to open up about my persistent sadness to someone. But after I finally did, I wished that I had done it sooner. Once I told my family, they understood my past actions much more clearly, and we were able to fight my problems together. Suffering alone is the most hopeless way to deal with mental illness.

The more I learn about these health problems like depression, anxiety, OCD, etc., the more I recognize that so many people that I interact with most likely have one of these illnesses. And unfortunately, most people seem to keep it to themselves. They are ashamed and aren’t willing to appear vulnerable in front of others. I truly believe that being vulnerable is one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship with another person. It takes courage to share your story with others, but don’t wait any longer. You are strong. You can do this. 

If you want to help others, consider this: When I was on my mission in central California, I was constantly talking to strangers on the street and lots of times people would open up about their personal problems super quickly, even though we had literally just met. That was kind of a mystery to my companions and me. Were these people opening up because they had no one to talk to? Or was it because they could feel the Spirit that we brought with us everywhere, and the Spirit had prompted them to open up? My best guess is that both of those theories were correct. My companions and I would listen to these strangers and instantly feel love for them, and we shared with them the hope that our Savior brings. There were times when I felt inspired to ask specific questions, which helped people open up. Overall, even though my companions and I weren’t perfect "therapists," the Lord definitely worked through us to reach out to others. 

So how does this apply to our lives when we aren’t full-time missionaries? It’s important to be kind to others, strangers and acquaintances alike, because you don’t know who is secretly lonely. It’s important to listen with love, and listen to understand, not necessarily to give advice. It’s important to be close to the Holy Spirit in order to feel its promptings. Even if you don’t recognize the Spirit in your life, I promise that as you do what is right, you will be guided in the correct direction without you even knowing exactly how things fell into place. 

You CAN help someone who is silently drowning right now. You CAN escape your private sufferings by sharing your feelings of agony with others. You CAN overcome any obstacle with the help of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, whose love you can feel through the people who surround you.

"Patience" is an action word

When I first started going to therapy, my healing process seemed excruciatingly slow, or even non-existent. There were so many times where I told myself that I was never going to feel better. It felt pointless to try and fix my mental health issues when I could not see any solid progress, nor any fruits of my efforts.

We are taught to be patient. The scriptures use the word “fruit” when describing something like the “fruits” of your actions. Think about an apple tree. How long does it take to plant it, water it, nurture it before you finally get to enjoy an apple? It can take around 5-8 years for an apple tree to produce fruit. But the time that was taken to take care of the tree before seeing the resulting fruits bloomed was not a waste of time. Rather, it was essential to take that time for the tree to grow strong and produce good fruit.

Do we realize that “patience” is an action word? Having patience does not only mean we sit around and wait for something to change. In the case of suffering with anxiety or depression, being patient with it means that we search for the right doctor and therapist, that we keep training our brains to think differently and/or we try out different medication. You are not going to feel better overnight, so you must believe that your efforts are not in vain and someday you will see the fruits of your actions.

In Galatians 5:22-23 “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:” These feelings that are described in this scripture are a result of our actions when we do what is right. It can take time for a depressed or anxious person to feel peace, joy, or faith. Do not give up in your pursuit of these feelings. The Lord has said:

“Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days.” (D&C 24:8)